Calm/Chaos Equilibrium

September 2, 2008

We were in our hometown a few weeks ago and staying at Jeremiah’s parents’ house. We were sitting around talking while Breckin ran around shooting a nerf gun at people and things. I am used to this because I am his mom. I go throughout each day getting hit with random flying objects, being present for screaming contests, and being “wallered” all over. I am used to this, but people without children probably aren’t. It was during this moment that Breckin shot a gun at his aunt Meredith and hit her in a more sensitive area. Understandably, she asked him not to shoot in her direction anymore. In an attempt to distract him from her, I told him to shoot me instead. It was then Meredith asked me if I had an extra layer of toughness. My response was, “No, probably just an extra layer of tolerance.” It was then that I realized the more kids you have, the closer you get to the chaos end of the calm/chaos spectrum and the better you get at ignoring otherwise annoying behavior.

When I didn’t have kids, I had no tolerance whatsoever for being hit with nerf bullets or anything else for that matter. I can honestly say, I didn’t care for kids in general. I found them sticky, smelly, loud and annoying. I was the type of person that wasn’t too crazy about any child that had not come from my womb. The chaos was just too much for me and I found it overwhelming. So, when Meredith no longer wanted to be Breckin’s victim, I totally understood. When you don’t have kids you spend a lot more time on the calm end of the spectrum, so when chaos occurs it is a lot harder to ignore.

Then, along came Breckin. I fell in love immediately and began to ease up a bit. I still wasn’t crazy about other people’s kids, but had a lot more tolerance for the chaos that comes along with having kids and being around kids. But, still, I only had one child, so I still didn’t spend a ton of time on the chaos side. I still didn’t understand the perspective of the woman I would see in the store with several kids running around about to pull her hair out. There was a pretty good balance between the calm and the chaos with one child.

Then, along came Arwyn. 2 children. These days I spend 75% (atleast) of my day in the chaos category. I have been a referee, maid, personal chef, crazy lady who screams unintelligible things at the sky, etc. But, I have learned to thrive in the chaos and love it. I love my life and the chaos that comes with it, because it is mostly fun chaos. I welcome other kids into my home now too. My friends’ kids’ behavior doesn’t even make me flinch. It is so normal to me now. I have found a new balance in all of this.

I think about this progression of my life as Jeremiah and I are thinking of adding another baby to the mix. I used to swear that I only wanted to 2 children, but since Arwyn was six months old, Jeremiah and I have been fairly certain we would like to have another. The plan has been to start taking action in that area when Arwyn turned 2. Her birthday is next month, so the time is approaching rapidly. Looking on this, I am excited, yet fearful. What will 3 children be like? What will it do to the calm/chaos equilibrium? Will I find balance again? I have a friend with three kids that has a laid back approach to life that I admire. I have noticed that with each child, I relax a bit more. So, it is a good thing. She also has said to me that going from 2 to 3 was hard for her because now she and her husband are always outnumbered. So, I suppose we will definitely have to find a new balance when the times comes. Something tells me that balance will be even closer to the chaos end of the spectrum.

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