Falling Short

April 26, 2010

Before bed, I often find myself cruising the blogs of other moms. Some of the moms, I know. Some, I have never met before. I find great tips, ideas, recipes etc, etc on these sites that I am happy to use in my own home. My favorite blogs though are those that are real. Where a mom has somehow managed to find herself in a very humbling place with her home or children, whether it be comical or, well….humbling. I like those because they assure me that we are not all perfect. But I am sometimes left with a feeling of inadequacy after reading a blog. I think, “Wow, that mom is amazing. She does more than I do. Her house is cleaner, kids are probably healthier, happier….” I hate that I feel that way sometimes because my feeling is really that of a deep rooted insecurity in myself.

This weekend, I attended the Beth Moore Simulcast based upon her new book, So Long Insecurity. and at one point I was sitting there trying to think of my major insecurities. At first, I thought I didn’t really have any. I knew that couldn’t be true though. As I thought about it a bit more, two big ones really hit me. I don’t feel like I am as good of a mom as other moms I know and I want my kids to have lots of friends and to be active. I worry about both of these. Am I doing all of the great mom things? Is Breckin making good friends at school? Am I having enough playdates so my kids are properly socialized? Was his birthday party cool enough? Am I feeding them the right foods? Was that the right decision? This lecture made me realize that by questioning all of this too much, to the point of being insecure about it, I am not trusting God. God will give my children and my family the friends we should have. I have very little to do with that. God gave Jeremiah and I our kids because He knows we are the best choice for them. So, just because I am not constantly taking them on adventures or giving them a 100% organic diet does not mean I am failing as a mom. So, I mentioned before about how I love the posts that are just real. Well, here is a small and very incomplete list of my “real.”

– I expect my kids to play by themselves or together sometimes.
– I don’t revolve my life 100% around my children and their activities.
– I sometimes host playdates more for my own sanity than for the benefit my child may get.
– I don’t always control my anger well.
– I let my kids eat Chick-Fil-A more regularly than I would like. (Probably 3-4 times per month)
– I say things I regret.
– My heart breaks when I see my child being left out.
– Just like I play with the kids toys, I expect them to play with me. Example – They garden with me.
– I don’t talk to my kids about God everyday.
– I don’t use every teachable moment that comes my way.
– A certain angry tone of my voice has very much scared my daughter before. It broke my heart into a million pieces.
– I take breaks during the day. They are never very long, but I definitely need those 5 minutes here and there.
– My house is a mess much of the time. This bugs me a lot.
– I don’t do a daily devotional every day. I used to be diligent about this, but since Judah was born, I have failed to be consistent.
– Two outings (social or adventuresome) per week is my absolute limit. Anything beyond that is just too exhausting for me. Note: This does not include visits to the gym, grocery store and other errands.
– Sometimes I put my own feelings first.
– Both of my older kids have said curse words simply because they heard me say it….and I sort of thought it was adorable.
– I am not patient.
– We own a Wii and a DS. And I let my children play them!
– We watch TV.
– I have yet to find a perfect balance since having three children.
– I have broken promises to my kids and made promises I knew I couldn’t keep.
– I am not a perfect mom, wife, or woman.
– I am not even close to having it all together.
– If you asked my children if their mommy loves them, they would say, “YES!” and if you asked them how much they would say “Mommy loves me (insert biggest number they can think of)!” And really, isn’t that what is truly important anyway.

Posted in Uncategorized