October 9, 2010 by jennifer
When Breckin broke his arm, he also damaged a nerve. So, what was already a hard situation was made worse by the fact that he couldn’t move his thumb, pointer finger and middle finger. For the first week or so, he had a lot of pain because of the nerve damage. He would complain about his fingers hurting and tingling. He would cry and our hearts would break. He slowly got movement back in his middle finger and thumb, but his pointer finger remained the same. When I held his hand, I would be hanging onto a hand that couldn’t hold back. Nothing would happen. Yesterday, I picked him up from school and reached down to hold his hand. I expected the same as always….holding a hand that couldn’t hold back. But this time, he held my hand. He could hold my hand. All of the sudden, he can hold my hand again. Then, last night after school, Jeremiah and I noticed he could completely bend his pointer finger. Such small things, but at the same time, so big.
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October 6, 2010 by jennifer
Is there anything better than genuine smiles on the faces of children? I really don’t think so.
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October 3, 2010 by jennifer
A year ago, I was holding an squishy, cuddly, adorable 8lb baby boy. It was blissful! After feeling overwhelmed by my first two newborns and being in survival mode for the first months of their lives, I was completely savoring every moment with my new baby boy. No survival, just pure enjoyment. I wasn’t overwhelmed or exhausted. Judah slept so well as a newborn, waking up only to nurse. I wore him all day long as if he were still a part of me. I didn’t wish those moments away at all. I wanted them to last forever. After having two other children, I knew those moments would pass too quickly and I wanted to enjoy every second. I did enjoy every second. A year later, I find everything now reminds me of that beautiful time. The smell of the fall air, the crisp mornings followed by a warm afternoon, a certain song playing on my iPhone….it all takes me back to those moments. While I look back on it all, I find myself feeling so blessed to have had such joy in those sleepy, lactating days. I count myself so lucky. But, because those moments were so wonderful, I find myself so heartbroken that they passed so quickly. I know I will not hold my own newborn baby again. Our family is complete. I am so glad I have been fortunate enough to have experienced something so beautiful, I would just like to turn back time for just a minute so I can hold that sweet, tiny baby once more.
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September 22, 2010 by jennifer
About a year ago, I was holding him in my arms for the first time. I looked down on his sweet face and couldn’t help but think I had the privilege of experiencing a true miracle of God. I had suffered, celebrated, anticipated, then suffered some more for this child. It made the moment even more sweet. To tell the story of his birth properly, I feel the need to start at the beginning.
I was staring at the Sea of Galilee (yes THE Sea of Galilee) waiting the designated 3 minutes you are supposed to wait for a pregnancy test to complete. I was certain it would be negative. The tests were negative before we had left for Israel and it would be negative now. But there had been something nagging me for the last few days. I hadn’t had any “proof” that I wasn’t pregnant and I had completely lost my appetite. For anyone who knows me, I never lose my appetite. I love food!! Nervous, I looked down. Much to my absolute shock, it was not negative. Within days I started to truly feel very sick to my stomach, which makes a 14 hour flight on a airplane absolutely fabulous. No room for my legs, cramping, nausea, bad airplane food….ick. And when we arrived home it only got worse. I then had jet lag, pregnancy exhaustion, and major nausea until about 11 weeks.
It was really a very normal pregnancy for me up until 17 weeks. I woke up in the middle of the night not able to breathe well. I had been taking my asthma meds as always, but for some reason, they just suddenly stopped working. What had always worked before was no longer effective. I couldn’t breathe. I walked around in this misery for 7 weeks while doctors tried different medications to help me. I couldn’t function. I could barely make my kids lunch, let alone eat something myself. Eating made the breathing much worse anyway. I even landed myself in the ER and urgent care. It was the most terrifying ordeal I have ever endured. Moments that should have been joyous were followed around by a dark cloud that made me numb. Seeing the baby in the ultrasound at 20 weeks, Jeremiah and I feeling him kick for the first time…..I was numb. After 7 weeks, countless nights without sleep and 5 medications, I finally started to feel better. I remained on 3 prescription meds and 2 otc meds for the rest of my pregnancy.
After week 23, I finally felt well enough to enjoy the pregnancy. In fact, I felt amazing. It was as if a switch flipped and suddenly, all was well. I had never been so grateful and determined to enjoy a pregnancy. Maybe it was the bumpy start, but I enjoyed every second I could. Even the miserable times didn’t feel that miserable. I was able to jog until the bitter end (at 40 weeks and 3 days I jogged 2 miles!). I was able to think about the joys of feeling the baby kick. I was able to savor every flip, every kick (even the ones that hurt) and every stage of my ever growing belly.
At the end of Sept, but due date came and went. Then another day and another…etc. I knew this would happen. It has always been that way. My body LOVES carrying babies, so I am always late. On Sept 26 (5 days post due date) at 12:30am, I woke to an intense contraction that was followed by more and more contractions. They were getting harder and harder. I didn’t really get my hopes up, but I sat and waited. I woke Jeremiah around 1am and told him to pack the bags just in case. I was having all of the signs of early labor. The contractions getting closer and more intense, the “show” and I was starting to get a little excited. I called my doula, Heather Berry, around 2am and told her we would be going to the hospital later and to stay on guard. I never called her back that day. My contractions just stopped very suddenly at 2:30am. I had fallen asleep around that time and woke at 4 am. When I realized what had happened, I sobbed and sobbed. I cried so hard I woke Jeremiah up. I called my midwife, Lindsey, the next morning and she gave me the choice of coming in and breaking my water or waiting it out. I chose to wait it out. My contractions never actually stopped that day. Every activity was interrupted regularly by the type of contractions that made me stop in my tracks and some which I couldn’t speak through. Some would make me break out into a sweat. It would end and I would continue on with my day. This happened ALL day about every 10 minutes. I went to bed that night extremely discouraged and confused. All night long, I had contractions that would cause me to get out of bed and walk around. When they were over, I would lay back down and fall back to sleep until the next one arrived. The next morning around 8am, I called my doula. I was beside myself and crying. She urged me to go to the hospital to get checked. When a doula tells you to go to the hospital, you go because they don’t overreact. We arrived around 9:30am and I was 6cm. I was still having irregular contractions though. I would sometimes have 1 every 2 minutes, then 15 minutes would pass and nothing. This was such an odd labor. The whole time, something seemed different about this one. Thankfully, I had plenty of support this time, which helped me survive it. In the room at the hospital, I had my sweet Jeremiah, my doula Heather, my midwife Lindsey and a midwife student. They were all very supportive and I would not have made it through this one without them. Finally, I felt the need to push around 1:20pm. In theory, he is my third child, so he should have just fallen out. After all, I pushed my second baby out in 10 minutes. But when I started pushing we discovered he was in the occiput posterior position. In other words, he was face-up instead of face-down. Suddenly, the 38 hours of labor, the pain, the irregular contractions, and the nearly 30 minutes of pushing made sense. It wasn’t normal pushing either. It was so very hard and so very exhausting. Much worse than the first two. Finally, baby boy was born at 1:52pm on Sept 27, 2009. I held him thinking that the discovery of him while in Israel, all of the suffering and the crazy labor made this moment all the more sweet. It seemed only appropriate that we named him Judah (the praised one!) Asher (happy).
Happy Birthday my sweet Judah!
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August 26, 2010 by jennifer
I looked up to see him hanging in mid-air only to see him hit the ground a millisecond later. My heart stopped and I ran to him. Thinking he had merely knocked the wind out of himself, I helped him up. He was grabbing his right elbow and crying. Not that loud screaming cry, but a quiet hard weeping. Something was definitely different about that. I sat him down and looked to see that his arm, right above his elbow, was completely deformed. Breckin had broken his arm. I called Jere who was on his way home from work. Thankfully, he was close. He stopped as close as he could to where we were and we loaded 2 bikes, 1 stroller, 1 dog and 5 people into his car and headed home. On the way home, I arranged for care for the younger two and Jeremiah and I headed to the ER.
In the ER, Jeremiah and I were told that Breckin’s arm was broken and we would be sent downtown to have it fixed….with surgery. My heart dropped. Surgery. Again. For those counting this is the second time one of our children has had surgery in the last month. And it is the third time Breckin has needed surgery. So, downtown we went, where we waited. We waited all night long. Breckin was in agony, but he had to wait until the morning for surgery. He cried, he repeatedly said he was scared, and he was very concerned he would not be able to play the Wii with a broken arm. A dose of morphine later, he was no longer crying but saying hilarious things that, to him, were serious. He was very serious when ordering his ice water. Very specific instructions. He was appalled that the night nurses work during the night and sleep during the day. He did not want to wear a puppy gown and he did NOT like his IV. But it was all very funny.
8am yesterday morning he was wheeled back to surgery. 9:30am he was out of surgery and in recovery. By 11am we were back to his room where we stayed until about 3pm. It took him a while to come out of it but once he did, he was ready to eat and drink a root beer, something he had repeatedly asked for. He is still in a great deal of pain and hates to move his arm. He is mainly sitting and not willing/able to move around a lot. Needless to say, he is out of school at least until Monday, out of PE for the next 3 months, and not allowed to do recess for 3 months. He really did a number on himself.
As a mother, it is extremely hard to watch your child in agony and not blame yourself. To not wish you could take it all away. To not give that child anything and everything he wants. It is emotional and so very hard.
The silver lining….the generosity of those around me. I called a neighbor to come to the house and watch the little ones as we took B to the ER. She came happily and immediately without hesitation. So many friends gleefully offered to take the little ones yesterday. I actually had to choose a volunteer. Their generosity was amazing. And when I went to my friends house to pick the kids up, she had also made us brownies. Now that is friendship. Not only that, the neighbor mowed our yard today because he knew we wouldn’t be able to do it anytime soon. I love how God uses every catastrophe, no matter how small to show us His love and help us serve Him.
Today a girl from Breckin’s class came over with get well cards his class had made. They were adorable. I think my favorite was the one with a picture of Breckin falling from the monkey bars. So funny.
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August 9, 2010 by jennifer
Conversation #1 –
Breckin – “Mommy, do you have magic eyes?”
Me – “What do you mean?”
Breckin – “Like when you sleep. Do you see things in your eyes?”
Me – “Do you mean dream? Do I dream?”
Breckin – “Yes. Do you have magic eyes that dream?”
Me – “Yes, I do. Everyone dreams.”
Breckin – “Everyone has magic eyes?!”
Me – “Everyone has magic eyes.”
Conversation #2
Breckin (while helping Jeremiah peel linoleum up in the kitchen) – “Daddy, this kitchen floor is making me frustrated and I want to “restroy” it.”
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August 3, 2010 by jennifer
The other day, I took Breckin and Arwyn to JCPenney to get sneakers for school. I have bought Breckin’s supplies for the year. He will be gone all day this year. First grade. Wow. Arwyn will start preschool. She will go two days a week. One day for five hours, the other for three. Again, wow. Summer is almost over. In the meantime, we have been enjoying it. Jeremiah and I love living in a place that allows us to take our kids to fun, free (and some not-so-free) places. Here we are, enjoying our summer!
We have been to baseball games.
We’ve swam in the backyard.
We’ve traveled back in time.
We visited family in Omaha! (note: There is an extra person in this picture. Can you find him/her? Hint: Look at aunt Julianne’s belly! Coming Dec 2010!)
We visited the sprayground.
And we have partied.
To view more of our family summer fun, click here.
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August 3, 2010 by jennifer
I wasn’t able to capture in the pictures quite the way I was wanting. First, I couldn’t find the same hat Breckin wore so long ago. I know it is around here somewhere and Judah has worn it many times, but I couldn’t find it. And, of course I couldn’t get Judah to make the same expression as Breckin. But, when Jeremiah and I came upon this old pic of Breckin, we both had the same thought. Aside from skin tone and hair, they look exactly alike.
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August 3, 2010 by jennifer
Three months ago it all started: the wretched ear infection that just wouldn’t DIE already. Antibiotics couldn’t stop it from coming back. Doctors were preparing their equipment for tubes in the ears. Jeremiah and I were beside ourselves with frustration and more sleep deprived than we ever thought possible. That last one, the sleep, is crazy because Judah is baby #3 and they have all been terrible sleepers. But, there is nothing quite so painful as a child with an ear infection at 2am. Now imagine that for 2 1/2 months. So, two weeks ago, I abandoned conventional medicine and took Judah to see a chiropractor. Then last Wednesday, he had a follow up at the doc to see if his ears were finally better. The main issue had been that his ears weren’t draining. The antibiotic would clear the infection, but with tons of fluid in his ear, he was still having a lot of pain and as soon as the antibiotic was gone, the infection would roar back. After one chiropractic appointment, his doctor told me his ears were free of fluid. There was a tiny bit left in one ear, but the other was perfectly clear. Tomorrow, he goes back for his last chiropractic appointment to make sure all of the fluid is out and to have one last adjustment to seal the deal.
In summary, I believe in chiropractic care for babies. What modern medicine could not fix in 2 1/2 months, chiropractic care fixed in 1 week. So, next time my baby gets an ear infection, we will try the chiropractor first. At the very least, it is great to use it to compliment conventional care. Happy with the results and very happy to have my sweet sleeping Judah back. Praise the Lord!
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July 27, 2010 by jennifer
Six years ago this week, I woke in the middle of the night. My first thought was, “Wow, those fried pickles from Dixieland Cafe are not sitting well with me.” I thought I was sick. After about an hour, I realized, I was getting sick at regular intervals. Hmmmm…..could this be the day we meet? A few short hours later around 6am, there was no doubt we would be meeting you. Your Daddy and I went on a long walk in the Arkansas heat. We eventually made our way to the hospital. I will tell you more detail as you get older, but just know that your Dad was very nervous and hit about a million potholes on the way there. It’s comical now, but at the time, I was trying not to smack him. We got to the hospital around noon. After what felt like 12 million contractions and a little over an hour of pushing, you were born at 4:26pm.
Later that night, around 2-3am, I heard you stir in your bassinet, so I picked you up and just held you. The rest of the world melted away and it was just you and me. I suddenly knew what it was like to love someone so selflessly. I felt what it was like to be so overwhelmed by the responsibility of raising a child. I learned what it was like to have your heart fill with joy and melt simultaneously. I learned what it meant to suddenly have that “mother bear” instinct. I learned what it felt like to fiercely love someone you didn’t know very well. I learned and felt a lot in the moments that I sat there staring at you. It is a day I will never forget. It is the day you made me a Mommy. I love you so so much. Happy 6th Birthday, Sweet Boy!
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