Well, I have been a bit lazy about updating this lately. If it makes you feel better, I have also been really lazy about Facebook lately…..something Jeremiah would call a not so small miracle. So, anyway, we have been busy. Here are a few things we have been up to lately.
I began the cloth diapering journey with Judah. As someone who has always used disposables, there has been a learning curve for me. First of all, I got the diapers that adjust with the child throughout his/her diapering life. These are great, but it takes a while to find the right fit for your baby with the FuzziBunz. So, while I have been trying to find the right fit, I have been cleaning up leaks. I think I have now pretty much found the right fit. Also, cloth diapers need to be changed more often, especially if the baby is a heavy wetter. Judah is a heavy wetter at times. Sometimes he will soak that thing in 90 minutes. So, it is a lifestyle change but one I am willing to make for the sake of our budget, my child’s skin, and the environment.
We have also been doing the regular holiday things. Making cookies, peanut butter balls, Christmas shopping (only two more gifts to buy!), etc etc.
Plus, I have been crazy busy simply taking care of three children. Have I mentioned that lately? The fact that I was crazy enough to give birth to three beautiful babies!? They are all awesome and doing really well. I am trying to encourage Judah into a nap/bedtime schedule. He is getting very close. I have found all of my children do better on a schedule of some sort. My approach is a parent and child lead schedule. That way, I am not going crazy with a baby who naps at random, but the baby is not being forced to sleep when he/she doesn’t want to. So far, Judah’s morning nap is scheduled, of his own accord and it works out really well. He wakes up around 7am and is ready for a nap between 8:30-9am. Then he will sleep until about 11:15-11:30. Yep, he sleeps the whole time B is at school, which gives Arwyn and I lots of girl time together. We have lots of fun! Anyway, I will update more in detail later…..
Yesterday, I decided it was time to get out a few Christmas decorations. This excited my children to no end, especially Breckin. He was thrilled. I got out the nativity I bought half off at Target last year and placed in on the bookshelf. I got out the 5 stocking holders I also bought at Target for 50% off last year, in hopes that by this Christmas we would have 5 family members, and put them on the mantle. The stocking holders are trains that have lights on them. You can turn each train on and it lights up. They are really quite cute and I waited until after Christmas last year to buy them because I was not about to spend $15 each on them, but $7.50 seemed totally worth it. Anyway, as I was putting up the decorations Breckin and Arwyn are running around screaming about how exciting it is that Christmas is coming and asking me time and time again, “When can we put up the tree!?” Their joy was clear.
Well, this morning we woke up and the kids wanted to turn the trains on. I, of course, let them. Breckin could reach the trains without a problem so he was getting them down and turning the switches, when one train fell off of the mantle. My first internal reaction was to be very irritated. Thankfully I did not show that side. While I was a little upset that the train had broken, I could see quickly that Breckin was much more upset than I. It was an accident after all and he cares about those trains more than I do. He turned, ready to cry and said, “Mommy can you fix it!?” I decided in that moment that I could teach my child one of two things depending upon my reaction. If I reacted badly, I could teach him that my feelings about one little train are more important than his sadness. But, if I reacted well, I could teach him that things are just that, things. And while it isn’t fun when things break or go wrong, it is okay. I wanted him to know that I cared far more for his feelings than I did a train that cost me $7 a year ago. So, after counting to 5 , I assured him that with a little super glue the train could be fixed and all would be well.
I think as a mom sometimes my expectations are a little high. I expect obedience, a clean house, respect, nice things to stay nice and in one piece, etc etc. But I have three small children. They will disobey and make me crazy sometimes. They will break things, new and old. But, they will fill my heart with joy, my house with laughter and arms with hugs. That is totally worth the trade-off.
I’ll start with the bad and ugly. It is always best to just rip that band-aid right off. So, yesterday sucked. I mean, really, really sucked. I have had tailbone pain for several weeks now and yesterday it was especially bad. Not to mention, I woke up with good ole’ mastitis. For those who have never had the joy of experiencing mastitis to its fullest (104 fever, enormous red spot, enormous amount of pain) let me put it this way….I would rather give birth naturally again than experience that. Thankfully yesterday it wasn’t that bad. But, I felt very achy all over and had a great deal of pain to come with it. So we woke up and I explained to the kids that Mommy was sick and really needed them to be good. What do you think happened next? Well, all hell broke loose in my lovely home. If they could whine about it, they did. If they could fight over it, they did. If they could disobey, they did. By the time Breckin went to kindergarten at 8:30am, I had already lost my temper a few times. Not good considering I am a pretty calm mom. Then, I was stupid enough to think taking them to a park in the afternoon might make things better. I thought we could all use the fresh air and maybe it would adjust everyone’s attitude. And while my kids were great at the park, there was a little boy there who was playing way too rough. He punched and pushed Breckin twice and shoved Arwyn down twice. He was also throwing dirt in their eyes. He was 5 or 6 and I kept looking around for his mom to come over and discipline him for hurting other kids. But, I did not see the mom anywhere, so twice I asked him to stop playing like that with my kids. He didn’t. Then, he pushed Arwyn down to the ground for the second time and Momma Bear came out of me with full force. I was at the end of my rope anyway, and this boy took the last bit of sanity I had left. I stomped over and yelled, “That is it! Get away from my daughter!” Yes, I yelled at someone else’s child. Then I yelled, “Where are these children’s parents!?” Not my best moment. Actually probably my worst. I really wanted to yell at that boy’s mom, not him. But even then, that wasn’t okay. Bad, bad day.
Now for the good….
In the midst of this horrible day yesterday, I started to cry. Okay, sob. I was sitting on the couch nursing Judah, which was extremely painful and I was overcome. I sobbed and sobbed for a few minutes. This is something my kids rarely see me do. I don’t cry much and even when I do, I don’t necessarily do it in front of them. Pretty sure the last time they saw me cry was during the Asthma Debacle of 2009 back in May. So, anyway, Arwyn walked up to me and we had the following conversation:
Arwyn: Mommy, why did you cry?
Me: Arwyn, Mommy is really sick today and my back really hurts. I don’t feel good. And I asked you and Breckin to try to be nice today, but you haven’t been nice. You have been disobeying and saying mean things all morning and you have hurt my feelings. You and Breckin hurt my feelings.
Arwyn: (completely confused look on her face) But, Mommy, I didn’t know you have feelings.
What a true statement! It made me realize that hiding my tears and emotions from them all of the time doesn’t help them, it hurts them. They probably don’t realize that I can feel upset just like them.
And the funny….
Today I walked into my living room to find my older children (okay, mostly just Arwyn) coloring Judah’s head with markers. Yep…markers. It was really hard to keep a straight face while sending them to time-out.
So, lately Jeremiah has been a bit nice. Very nice! Like “Jen just had a baby six weeks ago and is turning 30 in a matter of a few short days” nice. He is just feeling the need to spoil me a little and I don’t mind one bit!
For my birthday he bought me tickets to see the musical Wicked. Awesome!! And last Wednesday, he bought me tickets to go see my absolute favorite musical artist Joshua Radin. Mr Radin has passed our way a time or two before, but we weren’t able to make it to see him in concert. This time, we headed out to Lawrence to see him. Let me really paint a picture of Jeremiah’s generosity for you. First, we grew up in Missouri not far from Mizzou, but Friday found ourselves in the heart of Lawrence, home of the Jayhawks. I know, I know. Great sacrifice. Then, we get there to find ourselves surrounded by people almost 10 years younger than ourselves. Sure there were people there our age, but not many and not many fellas in the crowd either. A 20 year old girl standing behind me just kept yelling, “So hot right now! So hot right now!” when Joshua came out to play. And, another had tattooed some of his lyrics on her chest and proceeded to show him. Yep, classy girls. Then, tickets were General Admission, which meant I got to see the whole show from about 10 feet away (awesome!) but also meant that we had to stand the entire time. 3 hours of standing. And, while Jeremiah doesn’t dislike the type of music we were listening to, I think it is safe to say that folk rock (mostly love songs of course) isn’t his genre of choice. My man really took one for the team on Friday, but at the same time, made my month. It is something I will remember for a long time and made me love him even more. So, while every other 20 something was swooning over Josh, I was swooning over my husband and what he did for me that night. It was a perfect date night for me and almost made me forget about that number starting with a “3″ that is so quickly sneaking up on me. In the words of Joshua Radin (who else would I quote here),
“You looked right through me
When there was no one else
I sat beside you and became myself
Today… today”
Here are a few pictures!
I am SO EXCITED! Jeremiah is too. That is how he looks when he is thrilled! No seriously.
There is a Jars of Clay song that I absolutely love. I cling to the words of this song during difficult times to remind me that joy is to follow. The chorus says, “I will sing of your mercies that lead me through valleys of sorrow to rivers of joy.” It is a beautiful song. As many of you know, in my pregnancy with Judah, I walked through a valley of sorrow around 20 weeks. I was sick, and not just a little sick, but very sick. This physical struggle quickly became a mental and emotional struggle. The emotional struggle quickly became a spiritual struggle. I struggled with why God was allowing something so horrible when I was begging Him to make it stop. I was exhausted, couldn’t breathe and was very frightened. But, my mind kept coming back to this song. I would hear the words and cry. I was crying because my valley seemed particularly deep this time but also because I knew the words were true.
It has recently occurred to me that I talked a lot about that valley for a while, but haven’t talked too terribly much about my river of joy. And, oh how joyous I am! God has blessed me beyond my own understanding. I have three beautiful healthy children. Recently Breckin and Arwyn have decided to be best friends instead of mortal enemies. Blessing! And our beautiful new baby boy is just that, beautiful inside and out. I have an amazing husband who supported me through a tough pregnancy and delivery and now enjoys the rewards of our tumultuous walk with me.
Judah is such an amazing child. I cannot say enough about how much love and joy he has brought to our lives. He sleeps well, rarely fusses and is just so very sweet. My heart is full and as a Mommy, I feel complete. Thank you Lord for such a wonderful little family. Without further ado, one of the many currents in my river of joy!
I don’t know what it is about parenthood, but it has made me dumb. I mean, “forget your baby at MOPS” dumb. The woman you know now is not the woman I once was. Hopefully I am a much better version of her, but I am definitely a dumber version of her. There is little left of that brain that placed me in the top 5% of my graduating class at university. My pre-med, biology and chemistry obsessed brain has been replaced with a lot more common sense but also a lot more chaos. I am not sure if it is the chaos that has made me stupid or if that each time one of my children have left my body they have taken a piece of my brain with them. Probably a little of both.
Today I had to get one kid ready for school and two ready for MOPS. I also had to get myself ready for MOPS, make two entrees for MOPS, and return about 6 dishes to wonderful people who had brought us food over the last month. Needless to say, I was BUSY and my hands were extremely full when walking into the church this morning. I had a baby in a Moby, two bags full of dishes, 2 quiches, one crock pot with cheese, a diaper bag, my purse and an angry 3 year old. Arwyn had decided she was in a terrible mood and there were tantrums to be thrown! Each MOPS Monday, I have to leave a little early to pick Breckin up from school. So, when 11:20 rolled around I gathered my things with one thought it my mind, “Hurry to Breckin. Hurry to Breckin.” I started to walk out the door and suddenly realized I was not holding my newborn child. My mentor mom Susan was holding Judah and I nearly walked out the door without my child! I had completely forgotten about him. What kind of a mother does that?! I ran back for Judah and picked Arwyn up. I got halfway down the hall and realized I had forgotten the quiches and the crockpot. I went back to get them, now running late to get Breckin, and realized there was no way I could carry it all. I asked a friend for help and she was kind enough to do so. On our way out Arwyn started throwing a tantrum no more than 5 minutes after I picked her up. This tantrum lasted up the elevator and out to the car and all of the way home. I was certain my head was going to explode. All the while I was doing my best to choke back tears. The tantrum continued all of the way to Chik-Fil-A and finally stopped in the drive-thru. I realize that I had a lot on my plate this morning but at one point I truly felt like the dumbest woman on earth. I forgot the dishes that I had taken and my child! What a way to start a week. I have since thrown in the towel on Monday. The older kids are upstairs watching a movie and that might be where they stay until Jeremiah gets home. I am sitting downstairs with Judah and Bosley trying to pick up the pieces of my scattered brain.
December 14, 2009 by jennifer 
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, I assured him that with a little super glue the train could be fixed and all would be well. 
